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“Social Media Doesn’t Feel Optional”

Sarah Walker | 30 January 2025

Natasha Devon is a realist. Whilst many parents dream of an existence that doesn’t see their children fixated by viral TikTok videos or year group conversations on Snapchat, this author, campaigner and broadcaster is pragmatic. 

 

“When I ask kids if they think the world would be better without social media, they say that it probably would, but they can’t imagine what that would be like,” she explains. “When I ask why they don’t just all stop using it, they say ‘because everyone else is on it’. As long as there’s even just one person in school using social media, they will feel like they’re missing out. From that point of view, it doesn’t feel optional for them”.

 

Online Safety and Managing Social Media is the focus of LWC’s next Parental Engagement Programme Seminar, on Saturday, 8th February. A discussion, led by Natasha around social media and its effect on young people’s self-esteem will form part of the session.

 

“Young people feel this obligation to have social media in their lives,” Natasha continues. “They also feel as though their education around this has been very draconian. It’s often been about the legal ramifications of having inappropriate images on their phone. What they say they want is more granular advice on what to do if you think you’re being groomed, what if you’re being cyberbullied or how do you spot fake news?”

   

“Role modelling the behaviour that parents want to see is the most important thing they can do. You wouldn’t believe the number of parents who walk up to me after a talk and ask why their child won’t come off their phone….. as they’re typing on their phone.”

—Natasha Devon

     

Natasha’s approach accepts that social media isn’t going away any time soon, but that doesn’t mean we should be resigned to its consequences.

 

“I think it’s about giving children some tools to self-regulate,” she reveals. “So, meeting them halfway, accepting that they’re not going to throw their phone in the river but asking if it’s eating up too much of their time. Is it interfering with homework or socialising? Is it dominating their entire lives, so they don’t do anything else?”

 

Which begs the question, how much is too much?

 

“The World Health Organisation suggests no more than two hours,” she smiles. “And that’s everything; homework, TV, reading on your Kindle, looking at your smartphone. We can’t really work with that. But what I say to kids is, if it was another hobby, like netball, how long would be a reasonable time to spend playing it? They’ll say something like an hour and I suggest that’s how they should approach social media. Treat it like another hobby.”

 

But to suggest that we as parents, have our own relationship right with social media is probably naïve. Natasha warns against both this and the belief that we know exactly what our children are doing on their phones.

 

“I think if you have got the measure of it, that’s great,” she suggests. “In my experience (and I don’t know if it’s genuine naivety), statistically most young people have watched online pornography, but most parents I meet believe their child is in the minority which hasn’t. By definition, that can’t be true.”

     

The figures around young people viewing pornographic content online make stark reading. Research carried out for the Children’s Commissioner, Dame Rachel de Souza in 2023 revealed that 73 per cent of the young people interviewed had seen online porn by the age of 15. 50 per cent had done so by the age of 13 and 27 per cent by the age of 11. At the time, the research also suggested that Twitter (now X), was where most were likely to have viewed such material. The implications were widespread; from the development of unrealistic expectations around body image, to sexual aggression and harmful attitudes towards women and girls.

 

Along with acknowledging that we could all do with a more realistic picture of our children’s online habits, Natasha also thinks we need to be mindful of our own relationship with our phones.

 

“Role modelling the behaviour that parents want to see is the most important thing they can do,” she explains. “You wouldn’t believe the number of parents who walk up to me after a talk and ask why their child won’t come off their phone….. as they’re typing on their phone. If the rule is no phones at the dinner table, that means everyone. You could have an hour a day where you put your phones down and do something together as a family. But you have to actively participate in that.”

 

Natasha has spent many years touring schools and events across the UK, leading discussions on social media, mental health, body image and gender. In that time, she admits that her own social media habits have changed.

 

“I’ve realised that you can’t separate who you are in real life and who you are on social media,” she points out. “There’s an emotional connection between the two. When we think about online safety, we think about two-factor authentication or phishing. But your emotional safety is equally as important.”

 

“If I went to the pub,” she continues, “and 100 people were using sexist or racist slurs against me, I would leave that pub. I deactivated my Twitter account for the same reason. It made me realise that I didn’t have to be on every app and it’s ok to keep myself safe and to have boundaries.”

 

If you are an LWC parent or guardian and would like to attend our Parental Engagement Seminar on Online Safety and Managing Social Media on Saturday, 8th February (9.30-11am) in Gavin Hall, then please sign up here.

 

Please be aware that spaces are limited and the deadline for registration is Monday 3rd February.